From Pedro Almodovar's The Flower of Her Secret:
Mother: What's wrong, Leo?
Leo: I'm going insane, mom.
M: You aren't. Your sister is, not you.
L: I am instead, like aunt, like granny. Insane.
M: It's because of Paco, isn't it? I knew it.. How bad, my child. So young and already like a cow without her bell.
L: A cow without her bell?
M: Yes, lost, bewildered, messed up, like me.
L: Like you?
M: I'm a cow without her bell too, but at my age it's pretty normal. That's why I want to live [in my village]. When a woman loses her husband, because he dies or he goes with another woman, she must return to her hometown. Go to the church, enjoy the fine weather with her neighbours, pray with them, even if she's an atheist. Otherwise she'll get lost, like a cow without her bell. My child..It wasn't easy for me to bring you up.
Leo: I'm going insane, mom.
M: You aren't. Your sister is, not you.
L: I am instead, like aunt, like granny. Insane.
M: It's because of Paco, isn't it? I knew it.. How bad, my child. So young and already like a cow without her bell.
L: A cow without her bell?
M: Yes, lost, bewildered, messed up, like me.
L: Like you?
M: I'm a cow without her bell too, but at my age it's pretty normal. That's why I want to live [in my village]. When a woman loses her husband, because he dies or he goes with another woman, she must return to her hometown. Go to the church, enjoy the fine weather with her neighbours, pray with them, even if she's an atheist. Otherwise she'll get lost, like a cow without her bell. My child..It wasn't easy for me to bring you up.
I wanted to post this dialogue mostly because it reminded me of all the post-heartache healing I did last year, and more particularly of some of the reading I did that helped me "recover". It's only until now that I am able to realize the gratitude I have for such trauma, in the sense that only events that shake you up to your most central core can crack you open, and make you more sensitive, and more able to fully perceive, wide ranges of experiences that the world provides you with. Thanks to PutiLupi Tasha, Women Who Run with the Wolves was instrumental in training me to realize this for myself, and I'm not ashamed to say it has a permanent resisdence on my bedside table. Leo's mother echoes Pinkola Estes's lessons, from her myths about homing or returning to oneself (elucidated by the "Sealskin, Soulskin" myth) to belonging as a blessing ("The Ugly Duckling: Finding What We Belong To") and types of prayer. Respectfully, I leave you with the author's general wolf rules for life on which she remarks, "But, over my lifetime as I've met wolves, I have tried to puzzle out how they live, for the most part, in such harmony. So, for peaceable purposes, I would suggest you begin right now with anything on this list. For those who are struggling, it may help greatly to begin with number ten" (Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves 460-461).
General Wolf Rules for Life
1. Eat
2. Rest
3. Rove in between
4. Render loyalty
5. Love the children
6. Cavil in moonlight
7. Tune your ears
8. Attend to the bones
9. Make love
10. Howl often
General Wolf Rules for Life
1. Eat
2. Rest
3. Rove in between
4. Render loyalty
5. Love the children
6. Cavil in moonlight
7. Tune your ears
8. Attend to the bones
9. Make love
10. Howl often
god I love the wolf rules if only I could follow them, I feel guilty for it
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